Har!

I was cleaning out my inbox when I found the following. It's a song (although it reads like poetry) by Josh Ritter, I think. Anyway, it's funny and worth the read if you're bored and wishing Christmas vacation had already started. Enjoy...

Since You’ve Gone
Well there's one thing mama
I think you should know.
It is not love that makes the flowers grow,
but a complex electron transfer process known as photosynthesis
when chlorofyll reacts to the light of day.
But since you're gone the light has gone away.

Well there's one more thing mama
I think you will find.
It is not love that makes the stars shine,
but the spontaneous combustion of super-heated, super-condensed gasses
in a process known as fusion that creates new elements when the time is right.
But since you're gone the stars don't shine so bright.

Well there's another thing mama
I think I should confide.
It is not love that'll turn the tide,
but the net difference in the gravitational pull between the earth and the moon
as it is acted out upon the waves.
But since you're gone I feel washed away.

I could've been a mathmatician,
studied rockets for a livin',
would've worked out better in the end.
But to get more specific,
I'd break every law of physics to bring you back to me again.

Well there's one more thing
I'll tell you if I can.
It is not love that makes a non-stick frying pan,
but a top secret trademark conglomerated,
most likely carcinogenic polyeurothane compound
spreading of microthin substance over a negatively charged layer
of aluminum, copper, iron, lead, vhs, fyi, apple pie, FBI,
and some other elements too.
But since you're gone I wish I'd stuck to you.