Gag. Literally.

I'm wondering if it's wrong that the best part of my day came when I was in the kitchen laughing and gagging and then laughing some more with one of my coworkers.

Here's what happened. B was unloading the dishwasher, but half the dishes were dirty. She picked up a plate that had something on it, and I was like "no no no...it's dirty." Once she looked down at it she started freaking out because it looked like old mayonnaise. Then she gagged a little. To make her feel better I told her that I was opening a FedEx envelope today and there was a hair on it and it made me gag. And then, telling her the story, it made me gag again; I have a thing about hair that's no longer attached to a person's body.

At this point we're laughing hysterically because we're apparently too delicate to unload dishwashers and open FedEx envelopes. Then I go to the trash can and see a big slab of lasagna in the trash and gag again. I told B to avoid looking in the trash can and then ran from the kitchen. I may never go in it again. A totally ridiculous thing, but completely hysterical.

Jem is outrageous - truly truly truly outrageous!

(This is a scan of an actual Polaroid - how awesome is that?)

The 80s party was a neon hued, tight leggings, acid wash, many cans of hairspray, new hole in the ozone layer good time. Teased hair, crazy eye-shadow and truly awful fashion abounded. I've never really been too much of a costume person. Putting one together is too much like arts and crafts, which I hate, but 2 costume parties and 2 semi-successful costumes in one month may have changed my mind. 

I also had my first rock band experience ("Tricky" Run DMC) and Amanda and I beat Elly. It might be my proudest moment.

Robert Siegal, host of All Things Considered, got a snort out of me after he said IUD when he meant IED. It was either a mistake or yet another reason I really don't want to go to Iraq.   

I am the pack leader. You are calm-submissive. Tsst.

I've been watching too much Dog Whisperer lately and my friends at work feed my addiction. Amy and I were talking about the show and she was telling me that there's a South Park episode where Cartman gets in big trouble. His mom calls in Nanny 911 and all these different people to help, but the only one who can get him under control is Cesar Millan. 

It is hilarious. Enjoy.

All the Things You Need to Start Your Own Rebel Group

1.  Cell Phones

2.  Money

3.  Satellite Phone

4.  Vehicles

This is according to NPR. It seems that as a rebel group, you might need some sort of ability to blow people up, but maybe not. 

The Flats

Here are some great "Flats" pics from my friend's trip to Ireland last year. 

 

I think we are in hops.

I'm not sure about this picture, although we look like we're having a good time.  

Apparently there is a cute Finnish boy component to this story, which may explain why only one quarter of my body is in the picture.

I'm not making this up

The United Nations has declared 2008 "The Year of the Potato." Seriously, this is the kind of stuff you can't make up. Truth is stranger than fiction? Oh yeah.

Which reminds me, I love love love the movie "Stranger than Fiction." In related news, I used a line from the movie today when J. was emailing all of us to see if we had sent in our taxes yet. "Get bent taxman!" I love pop culture. It's like a big family; everything is related. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon and all that.

News of the Weird

Do I need any more reasons to hate robots?  I think not.  

This is the coolest thing ever.  I read a book (All Over Creation) that talked about seed banks, and it was a great book.  Such a cool idea; I want to go there.  There's actually a guard there - to protect the bank from polar bears or something.  

In Weird Al news (ha), one of my friends asked me to pick out a book for her to read.  I'm really excited.  And I'm really a nerd.  I asked her a few questions:  short or long?  fiction or non-fiction? and then I went back to my office to start thinking about it.

Going to go look at my bookshelves now.  

Why do the people at Lever2000 package their soap in a resealable paper box? They do know that soap is most commonly used with water, right?

Funniest Thing I Heard Today

"Zombies are stupid. They are baffled by concepts like doorknobs."

The Irreference Report podcast on Quirkbooks.com

I mean, come on, how true is that?!

gobble, gobble, sip, burp

I went to the liquor store yesterday at lunch. Let me offer some advice: don't go to the liquor store the day before Thanksgiving. Trust me, and you're welcome.

The man in front of me bought $178 worth of liquor. I'm thinking he's either going to have a great Thanksgiving or his guests, in an alcohol induced rage, are going to turn on him and chase him around with the carving knife or set his house on fire after a turkey frying accident. Either way, I bet it will be a Thanksgiving celebration to witness; any family dynamics that require that much booze have to be entertaining.

A song in my heart

I made up a song as I walked at lunch today. Well, not necessarily made up, but I definitely put my own touch to it. I post it here for your musical edification, and also because it goes nicely with the whole October, creepy Halloween time.

Buzzard Buzzard

Bo Buzzard

Banana Fana

Fo Fuzzard

Me My

Mo Muzzard...

BUZZARD

As a side note, I sing this song entirely too much for a 30 year old.

Give peas a chance.

I'm eating peas with my dinner, and I'm actually kind of enjoying them. I don't think I've ever eaten a pea without gagging.

I've decided that the next time it comes up (peas in conversation?), I'm going to try to convince the person I'm talking with that capers are pickled peas. They look similar.

Happiness is stupid stuff I don't need

Ok, I can appreciate the ridiculousness of the title of this post, but this little travel mug makes me insanely happy for several reasons. #1, it's small and cute; it's actually quite tiny (8 oz.) compared to other travel mugs. I feel deeply that this is the perfect size for a travel mug because #2, it just fits a cup of my equally happy-making tea in the morning. And #3, it was on clearance for like $3. So it's happiness at a bargain basement price. How can you look at it and not be happy?

I don't like your girlfriend

She's like so whatever,
I think we should get together.
Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!)
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!)
I could be your girlfriend

Am I the only one who sees the potential for using this song in some teenage romantic comedy where the girl next door pines for the best friend who recently dropped her to date the popular cheerleader who lives to make the little people's lives miserable? And of course, for no apparent reason, there will be some choreographed group dance numbers too.

Picture it: the girl next door (and, I'm thinking, the boy's little sister for added cute factor) are plotting against the horrible girlfriend/cheerleader and creating all kinds of havoc - perhaps involving water balloons, mustard and a wet dog or rigging the school election or putting chiggers in her bloomers before the big pep rally - in an effort to show that the girlfriend is snobby, uptight and all wrong for said boy. Hilarity will ensue.

I might go see that; I'm a sucker for choreographed dance.

This is the fun part - when anything (or nothing) could happen.

In case you were wondering...

...which Seattle Grace doctor I am most like, it's Addison.

Silly, but if you want to see who you are go here.

The Guilty Pleasures are my guilty pleasure.

Don't expect to see me in the days following July 21;

I have a date with a boy and his destiny. Yippee!

I wonder if I can find out where Lloyd Dobl...I mean John Cusack lives?

Watch out Chicago! This hot girl is comin' to your town to heat things up in January...