a morality play in one act

My aunt died yesterday. I'll be heading down later tomorrow afternoon for the funeral. To say the least, I am not looking forward to it. My only thought is getting through it without embarrassing myself or the rest of the participants (it's a small town; any funeral drama would be talked about for years).

Here's what I thought about this morning when I woke up. My aunt sent me money for Valentine's Day, and I never wrote her a thank you note. I meant to; I'd even thought about it this week - "d'oh, you need to write that note!" But, I didn't do it. Sigh.    

breakable

we are so fragile

and our cracking bones make noise

and we are all just 

breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

"Breakable" Ingrid Michelson

News of the Weird

Do I need any more reasons to hate robots?  I think not.  

This is the coolest thing ever.  I read a book (All Over Creation) that talked about seed banks, and it was a great book.  Such a cool idea; I want to go there.  There's actually a guard there - to protect the bank from polar bears or something.  

In Weird Al news (ha), one of my friends asked me to pick out a book for her to read.  I'm really excited.  And I'm really a nerd.  I asked her a few questions:  short or long?  fiction or non-fiction? and then I went back to my office to start thinking about it.

Going to go look at my bookshelves now.  

Sometimes I wonder if the things I worry about are things that are actually important to me or just things that I think should be important to me.  

People (I say, shaking my head) amaze me and not in a good way. Our capacity for external deceit and internal self-deception seems endless. How can we be so mean and yet so stupid at the same time? It's the peas & carrots, the PB&J, the gin & tonic of the human condition; maybe you can't have one without the other.

I'm apparently never going to get around to telling you about it, so if you want to see what happened in Austin, you'll have to look at the pictures and make up the stories yourself.  They're on my Flickr page.

I started wondering tonight what education would look like if everyone was allowed to choose their path of study.  

Let's see:

I would know a little about biology and chemistry, but nothing about physics.

Algebra I would have been the last math to make it into my brain and even it's hold would be tenuous.

I'd know a lot about world religions, art and the art of world religions (the giant Buddha statues in Afghanistan, The Pieta, etc...).

I'd be reading about bananas (see last night's post) and how they changed history.

I'd have a fundamental grasp of the mind (psychology) and the body (anatomy).

I'd be well versed in modern lit, but not the so-called "great books" schools tried to make me like (Fascists.  I think forcing people to read things they hate is a creepy kind of mind control, but I digress.).

I'd have a pretty good grasp of history and current events.  

All in all, I think I'd be pretty much like I am today.  Interesting.  I don't know if that's good or if it just proves that the government raised another quiet sheep.  

Here's one thing a boyfriend is good for - they can take the skin off a chicken because the slimy makes you gag a little.  Then they can tell you if it's really Mojo chicken or not, because it doesn't taste like it did the last time. 

But I guess a knowledge of poultry and the seasonings it might be cooked in isn't the best reason to rush out and find a man.  It seems a little fowl.  (I know.  I'm very sorry.  I couldn't resist.)

Fascinating Fruit

I was listening to Fresh Air tonight and Terry Gross was talking with the author of the book Banana: The Fate of the Fruit That Changed the World.  Hello!  Are you experiencing the same urge to drive straight to the bookstore to get this book?  Is it just me?  Apparently bananas live a secret life as a fascinating fruit.  When I searched "bananas" on Amazon books, the first 4 titles that came back are about bananas and how they've shaped history.  

That kind of blows my mind, what about you?

When I came to

I looked down across the seat at you

You're upside down

Your brown hair hanging all around

I couldn't breathe

Beneath the belt, I couldn't hardly move

I couldn't think

I didn't know what to do

If there's any truth it comes from you

"Everything After the East Coast Ends," Matt Pond PA

My goodness, it's been a while. I would say I've been busy but really the only thing I've been busy doing this week is sleeping. My trip to Austin wore me out, but in a good way. I'll try to write more on that later.

I feel like I should say something to mark this special day (as decreed by the candy, lingerie, flower and card people). I'll let the valentine I got from my friend Jen say it all - Congratulations! You don't suck!

Now we do the dance of joy (kind of)

Remember that show Perfect Strangers? Remember Balkie Bartakamus and his dance of joy? Tonight, tonight I do that dance of joy. I quit. I set myself free. I'd put a mountain of pressure on myself and gotten to the point where the thought of quitting was as horrible as the thought of continuing. It's ridiculous, but this was a really hard decision for me to make (ask my mom or any of the 3 friends who had to listen to me explore every conceivable option every day for the last month). I worried a lot about it, so much so that I made myself sick, almost daily, for the last month. It's hard because even as I sit here relieved, I'm close to crying because I'm disappointed with myself in a way. But I think the lesson here may be that there are limits to what a person could and should make themselves withstand. This statement is a thousand times too dramatic for the situation, but I had really begun to feel like I was living a lie. People would ask me how I was doing, and I just felt like a fraud. It's funny how even things that are good for you can totally mess you up. Deep breath...in...out...in...out...