Have you ever been back to the school you went to when you were a kid? Were you shocked to see how it had shrunk? How it was no longer as big, scary and/or impressive as it used to be? I guess we've probably all had that experience at one time or another. And the older we get, the more that tends to happen. Unfortunately, wonder seems to mostly be an experience for kids, which I think is pretty sad. Everyone needs some wonder, I say.
Anyway, not the point. The point is, as I was leaving my friend's house tonight, I was struck with the realization that I have grown into this place, this city, my new home. This friend's house was the first place I visited before I moved here and because of other events associated with this place, I remember clearly the first night I was there. I remember driving up in the dark and the whole place seeming so big and exciting and new. Everything all at once. And I felt tiny, but not in a bad way. There seemed to be so many things that could happen, so many ways to change and grow. And, that was the reality - change came at an unreal pace that year, some really good, some really bad. The growth part, well, the jury's still out on that one.
If I'm being honest, I guess I felt tiny for a long time here. But, not so much tonight. I was life-size again when I drove out of her parking lot and while maybe not quite as exciting, it was a nice feeling. It's a big world...I'm sure I'll be small again at some point. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. I guess small means big things are on their way.
So. I don't think I really said what I wanted to say. My realization was actually less about how I am today, than how I was then. I just remembered that night so clearly as I left. It was like I was watching it on a screen, happening all over again. Very strange and bittersweet. Bah...I'm just rambling. I can't say what I want to say; it's just not coming out right. These are definitely thoughts too big for my head.
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