Robert Siegal, host of All Things Considered, got a snort out of me after he said IUD when he meant IED. It was either a mistake or yet another reason I really don't want to go to Iraq.   

Home is where the heart is.

I've been thinking about the place where I grew up and lived most of my life. I just googled street level mapped it, in fact. Bad idea. It doesn't look like I remember it. The front lawn looks messy. The house is a different color. Times have changed, people have moved on, blah blah blah.  

The thing is, for about 5 months in the place where I grew up, I had everything - a great job (where I was not only well paid but well respected), a boyfriend I loved more than I thought was possible, and both my parents. I can't even begin to describe how important those things are separately, let alone together. I'm sure you know that though.  

But as The Roots and Chinua Achebe have told us: things fall apart. 

Fast. 

In ways that can't always be put back together. 

Unfortunately. 

I just wish things had stayed together a little longer. Sigh. I don't know. It's not like I've got a bad life. It's just so different than what I thought it would be. And even though I haven't (and won't) get some of the pieces back, it's OK. I mean, it really sucks, but it's OK.    

ARGH! Another book I just can't finish - what's gotten into me lately? I've read 700 page books that I loathed until the last 3 pages ("I Know This Much Is True")! I've had this book for almost 2 years and have never been able to get into it. In this book there are all these strange classifications of people - guardians, donors, carers - and I want to know who/what they are and what they're up to. I've made it to chapter 5 now, which is the farthest I've gotten in the 4 times I've tried to read this book, so maybe I'll finally get my questions answered.

(Later - I went to Amazon to read people's reviews, hoping that they would inspire me to keep going. Not so much, but now at least, I know what the premise of the book is. I don't know how you go from "The Remains of the Day" to this. But I am going to finish this stupid book - then leave it on a park bench for someone else to be tortured by.)  

not soon enough

 

Should I be concerned

1.  that "Freebird" is one of my favorite songs?

or

2.  that when I was walking the other night there was a dead mole on the ground and it looked so funny that I seriously considered running back to my house to get my camera so I could take a picture of it?

She's also

1/3 Otter

I am the pack leader. You are calm-submissive. Tsst.

I've been watching too much Dog Whisperer lately and my friends at work feed my addiction. Amy and I were talking about the show and she was telling me that there's a South Park episode where Cartman gets in big trouble. His mom calls in Nanny 911 and all these different people to help, but the only one who can get him under control is Cesar Millan. 

It is hilarious. Enjoy.

Elsa is

1/3 Dog

1/3 Goat

1/3 Rabbit

I used a saw today to cut off part of a tree. I feel like Paul Bunyan.  

Oh, wait, that was an axe.  

Well, anyway, you know what I mean.  

Grand Theft Auto

I have, on occasion, been told that I was letting my imagination run away with me. I admit that sometimes that happens, but I don't think that's the case this time. I feel pretty certain that I witnessed a van being stolen from the BP at 8th and Wedgewood this afternoon. Seriously. Basically there was a van trying to get away so fast that it almost caused several wrecks (I was one of those almost wrecks) as it pulled out in front of people, swerved and then made a left hand turn from the center lane.  I think the clincher was that as it drove away, the car alarm was still going off.  I mean, what else am I supposed to think?  

I would like to make clear, though, for anyone who may be reading this, that I didn't see who was driving so there is no need to try to hunt me down and silence me. 

The Dog Paradox

My house is cleaner, 

yet dirtier, 

than it's ever been.  

Weird.  

I think today is the first walk we've taken where I didn't end up wrestling something unspeakably gross out of Elsa's mouth. I've been trying to watch so she doesn't grab anything up, but she has sonar for flattened, dehydrated animals (turtles, snakes, bird wings). Last night she grabbed something. All I heard were tiny bones crunching - a chipmunk or a bird I guess, whatever it was was flattened too. Ick. Dogs are kind of gross. 

All the Things You Need to Start Your Own Rebel Group

1.  Cell Phones

2.  Money

3.  Satellite Phone

4.  Vehicles

This is according to NPR. It seems that as a rebel group, you might need some sort of ability to blow people up, but maybe not. 

This story should tell you all you need to know about me.

The other day, I had a container of pineapple chunks. I love pineapple. Too much pineapple, however, gives me a slight allergic reaction that makes my mouth itchy and my tongue swell a bit. I had eaten more of the pineapple than I knew I should have - there were only 3 chunks left. At this point, knowing I was going to suffer soon anyway, I ate the last 3 chunks. 

Feel free to draw your own conclusions from that story.  It may say more about me than pretty much anything I've ever posted.  

Homework for me

This may be the stupidest post ever, but here goes.  Why do we hate Cuba so much?  I mean, it can't just be that it's a communist country, right?  Is it the whole Bay of Pigs thing?  Because even when we were in the Cold War, didn't we still have a diplomatic (per se) relationship with the USSR?  And as far as communist countries go, we've sold our soul to China.  I need to go find an American history book.  I wonder if my book, "Lies My Teacher Told Me," addresses this? 

Introducing...Elsa!

I know it's blurry, but I shake and she doesn't sit still for long.