You have to watch this...

...you will scream in disbelief at the cuteness of it. Make sure you watch until the end. The real cuteness is there.

Otters Holding Hands

whatever normal is now

"It's been a year of strange choices and often embarrassing decisions on my part. I've made new relationships and lost others. Some people involved with all of this were more innocent than others. Those who weren't know who they are. There are others that will be shocked by what I have to say here. There are some who probably knew what I was doing all along. My only defense is that I never meant to hurt anybody. Looking back now, I know I was searching for something."
"Why Girls Are Weird" Pamela Ribon

I could have written that about my last year. I'm tired of the strange choices and embarrassing decisions. What I feel is no longer new or newsworthy, not even to me. What I feel isn't important now; it's not even particularly interesting anymore. My year of magical thinking is over. I'm still searching, but not for the same things. I wish it was as easy as shutting off a switch, but if it was, I would have done that long ago. I think. Maybe. As well as a first class magical thinker, I'm a glutton for punishment too.

It's strange how things speak to you sometimes. I have to admit that I'm the kind of person that looks for things, for connections, for signs, for meaning, for something (for anything, it feels like sometimes). I need a reason. There has to be a reason, right? Except maybe there isn't. Or maybe there is, but maybe you will never understand it. Maybe you don't need to. Maybe understanding is less important than accepting.

"Well I've been here before, sat on a floor in a grey grey mood, where I stay up all night and all that I write is a grey grey tune. So pray for me child, just for a while, that I might break out, yeah. Pray for me child, even a smile would do for now."
"Grey Room" Damien Rice

Expanded Pink Bullets

I am in love with The Shins. Here's more from that song "Pink Bullets." It's such a lovely song and sweet video. YouTube it if you haven't seen it.

When our kite lines first crossed
We tied them into knots
And to finally fly apart
We had to cut them off.

Since then it's been a book you read in reverse
So you understand less as the pages turn
Or a movie so crass
And awkardly cast
That even I could be the star.

I don't look back much as a rule
And all this way before murder was cool
But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay
Warm light on a winter day.

In case you were wondering...

...which Seattle Grace doctor I am most like, it's Addison.

Silly, but if you want to see who you are go here.

Pink Bullets

But your memory is here and I'd like it to stay,
warm light on a winter's day.

Should you shave your head? Make a big change? Do something symbolic? Read this. It might help you decide.

I Wish You Had Seen This

This story is the perfect example of how trying too hard NOT to do something can actually make that thing happen. It's like how you're not supposed to think about or look at the scalding hot mug of tea when you're carrying it because if you do, you're bound to slosh it over the edge and burn yourself.

The story starts yesterday morning when a big glob of toothpaste fell onto the top to my can of mousse. In a rush as I always am, especially on Tuesdays, I left the glob to clean up later or never - whichever came first. This morning I needed to use my mousse so I was very carefully trying to remove the top (this is the scalding hot tea part) without sticking my hand into the goopy toothpaste. Somehow, I squeezed the top too hard, it shot off over my head, hit the bathroom floor, ricocheted up about 6 inches onto the tile wall, AND STUCK THERE.

We would have laughed about this. I wish you had seen it.

The Guilty Pleasures are my guilty pleasure.

I was reading this last night before class, and it was exactly how I was feeling (especially strange that it was a Tuesday and she's talking about a Tuesday too).

HAPPINESS
I'm turning left. Look, everyone, my blinker is on, and I'm turning left. I am so happy to be alive, driving along, making a left turn. I'm serious. I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing at this moment: existing on a Tuesday, going about my business, on my way somewhere, turning left. There is nothing disconcerting or unpleasant or unfortunate about this moment. It is exceptionally nice, plain, and perfect.

-Amy Krouse Rosenthal from Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life

Huh!

I dyed my hair and no one can tell. I guess it's a good thing that it's not radical, but the funny thing is that it looks pretty different to me. I love it, actually; it makes my eyes really green.

So here's something I've been thinking about lately. I've been kicking around some ideas about fear and how it keeps us (general) passive, unhappy and paralyzed. Was it Marx that said "Religion is the opiate of the masses"? I think these days "Fear is the opiate of the masses." is closer to the truth.

The whole concept of fear has come up way too much lately to just be coincidence...I think it's life lesson time. I'm just not sure yet what that means. That's a pain, huh, not knowing quite what it is that you're supposed to be learning?

I keep thinking that 2007 could be a great year for me:

I could finally get around to writing my book.

I could go back to school.

I could learn to cook.

I could fall in love again.

I could buy a house.

I could choose to stop doing unhealthy things – financially, emotionally, physically – and really make some progress in growing.

I could change my life in a million ways big and small.

So here's the question I've been pondering, and I'd be interested to know if any of you have answers of your own: If there was no such thing as fear, how would you be living your life differently right now?

Seriously...

What good is snow at night? It's snow days, people, not snow nights! The whole purpose of snow (besides snow days) is the feeling - like free therapy - you get when you watch it fall.

I'd like to send a big thank you out to whoever made the snowman in Metrocenter this morning. It made me happy. Also happy making were the two people sledding down the hill near my office. The sledding was just so-so, but the falling/scrambling/falling again they did trying to get back up the hill was HI-larious.

Don't expect to see me in the days following July 21;

I have a date with a boy and his destiny. Yippee!

Casualty

Another casualty of fatigue (besides my sense of humor, perspective, and social life) is my laugh. Several friends have recently noted that I laugh differently when I'm really tired. Strange, eh?

Snort. Guffaw. HaHa. Har.

I hate chemistry.

That is all.

Afternoon Slump

I am painfully tired. In addition to a fuller schedule, I've had some rockin' insomnia (not even sleeping on my couch, the usual cure-all, has helped). My brain is itchy, and I want to cry.

I don't handle being tired well. It makes me a mess. To those that know me, this is how tired I am - I've resorted to drinking Red Bull and coffee (not together, that would be overkill plus grosser than gross). I HATE both of those things.

I just want a good night's sleep. I may resort to hitting myself with a mallet if I can't sleep tonight.

Bad news...

...I'm back in school, and I'm still a dork. A much cuter dork, but a dork nonetheless.

In fact, after confiding in co-worker J. that I used to want one of those rubber pencil triangles (the ones they gave out to help the kids who had trouble holding their pencils correctly) because it made the kids "special," he told me he was pretty sure I was "special," triangle pencil thingie or not.

In addition to learning everything about the human body in school, I've been learning everything (or at least some things) about dinosaurs, the solar system, phonics, and bugs at work. Here's the most interesting thing I've learned in a long time: Gnats fly in circles because their left and right wings are different sizes. They're the "special" ones of the insect world.

My brain is so full right now that I'm pretty sure the gnat fact has bumped some important bit of knowledge (like my PIN number or how to tie my shoes) out of its slot in the filing cabinet.

There's little snows outside. Goody.

What a Difference 30 Minutes Make

I'm tired! 8:00 instead of 8:30 makes an annoyingly large difference - especially when you didn't sleep the night before (prolly because of nerves).

So in the spirit of the new year and resolutions and all that crap - now you know how I feel about resolutions - here are two of mine.

1. Use less conditioner (got to have some easily accomplishable ones).
2. Learn to cook.

So far, both resolutions are coming along well. In fact, last night, I ate a yummy - although not quite stew-y - beef stew. It was more like beef and vegetables with a light sauce, but still not a bad start.

3 More Things

1. I like milk.
2. "The Illusionist" is a good movie.
3. I think I put my contacts in the wrong eyes this morning (which happens more often than you might think). I'm glad to be home so I can take them out.