Civilization Is Going to Peak Tonight

I've been to some good concerts lately. Up until two weeks ago, I had declared the Pete Yorn show at Exit/In, the best I've seen. However, I think Pete may have been unseated last night by a $7 concert ticket. I am in awe. I went to the Nashville Sunday Night show featuring Josh Ritter prepared to be a little underwhelmed. Oh no. No, no, no, no...it was amazing.

Josh Ritter is a doll. When he sings, he closes his eyes and sings like he's blind - all weave-y and sincere. You know what I'm talking about. He's so personable, and you can tell that he's pretty much really really smart. His lyrics are insightful and funny and sad and so sweet that there was more than one time I found myself wishing someone had written that line about me. Here's an example; this is from the song "Kathleen":

All the other girls here are stars. You are the Northern Lights...Well they try and they try, but everything that they do is the ghost of a trace of a pale imitation of you.

I mean, who wouldn't want to hear that, right? But the most amazing thing about Josh Ritter wasn't even really about him. It was about the audience and the way that apparently everyone connected with him. If you live in Nashville and have ever been out into the music scene, then you know that Nashville's not always a friendly place to play music. Nashville is full of music snobs who go to shows to critique, not to enjoy. Standing up? Uh uh. Dancing? No way. Clapping? Trying that is like trying to clap at a Church of Christ, just see what happens when you try. Of course, that's not always the case, but live music tends to be a kind of somber event here, unfortunately.

But last night, last night was music perfection! He got the ENTIRE audience to stand and clap and dance for TWO songs and his finale was laced through with some of the funniest commentary I've ever heard. He promised us that civilization was going to peak, while he urged us to sing along on the chorus. The commentary was so good - it involved meeting the love of your life and talking about your hopes and dreams and then getting on a train. I know it sounds weird, and it really really was. But it was wonderful too. I think you may have had to been there to really get it - sorry. He wanted us to sing for the love of our life that's just around the corner, for the bliss of staying up all night and risking everything for love. Maybe it's my current "I want to believe in love" mood, but he made you believe it. It was just that kind of night. Just kind of magic.

Ode to My Mom

Although this isn't an ode. Technically an ode (according to the American Heritage Dictionary) is: "NOUN: 1. A lyric poem of some length, usually of a serious or meditative nature and having an elevated style and formal stanzaic structure." This is not a lyric poem and there's certainly no elevated style here, just two thoughts on why I have a great mom:

My Mom held me and cried with me on Friday because she knew my heart was broken.

This one earns top mothering marks, even though I'm not at the point to believe her or even care about this right now. She told me that I was too beautiful and too smart for there not to be a guy out there who was looking for his Allison.

Anyway, it was just what I needed. No judgment or anything else, just shared tears and comforting words. Thanks, Mom.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that I think is the result of the life changing events of yesterday. It's pretty interesting, and I'm trying to let it comfort me some.

I was back in the home I grew up in (who knows why), and I was moving some of these little stone critter things that I collected from the top of a shelf to, well, I don't know where. The important part was I was moving them. That and I kept dropping and breaking them.

They didn't shatter into a million pieces, they just cracked and if you pulled a little, parts of the stone would pull off and you could see a whole other layer of the animal - like their underpants and stuff. Don't ask me why they were wearing underpants, but they were. The only meaning I can come up with for this bizarre dream and the fact that I dropped like 5 of these animals and went through the same realization - that there was something there underneath the broken parts - is that the universe is trying to tell me something.

I haven't worked it all out yet - I think that's going to take a long time - but I think I was supposed to see that even the broken parts are there for a reason. They show you something new. They show you that it's not all gone, that there's something there under the surface. It's not the same as it was, and it's not as pretty but it's not ruined, broken or gone either.

I guess after you realize that, then you have to decide if you can handle that or not. Can you let go of what was to appreciate and love what is now - flaws, disappointments, hurt and all?

Voice Over Thought of the Day (Pretend I'm Dr. Meredith Grey)

I don't know why some people are destined to come into our lives and then leave. Maybe it has something to do with brain space and maximum capacity. If everyone we met and connected with stayed forever, then maybe our brains and hearts would be full by the time we were 16, and we would miss out on other, more important, people to come.

I'm sure you've all heard the saying about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I'm not entirely sure what the difference between the reason and the season is, but there you have it. Human relationships from beginning to end explained by a pithy self-help statement.

But anyway, as the reason/season/lifetime seems to be the deal, it's something that everyone has to experience. The question is, how do you identify these people so you can let them help you with your needs, give to them in return, and ultimately let them go gracefully?

Let me know when you figure it out.

Flying Through the Air With the Greatest of (un)Ease

I jumped the other day.

Unfortunately, the ground seems to be approaching awfully fast. I guess there's still time for someone to throw out some pillows, but I'm pretty sure I'm just going to have to take the hard landing on this one.

I know I've done the right thing (ironically enough, I typed "wrong" first) by pushing things so that a decision has to be made, but that doesn't stop the fear and the "did I do the right thing?" questions floating around in my head. What if I shouldn't have jumped? What if I should have been more Zen and waited a bit longer to see where the flow would take me?

One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of the rope, the hand, whatever, and move on - even when you know you might be saving yourself or someone else pain. Admitting defeat is not easy. Finding out you lost is hard.

As Coldplay says, "...the hardest part was letting go, not taking part." So I let go, even though I didn't want to. Even though I'm still hoping to be caught.

POSTSCRIPT - There was no easy landing on this one, but that's life right?

image from San Fransisco's Urban Diversion webiste

Jumpin'

RUBE: You like falling, do ya?

BETTY: Well, it's not the fallin'; it's the jumpin'.

RUBE: I'd feel a whole lot better about the jumpin' if it weren't for the fallin'.

BETTY: Fallin's easy - you just fall. Jumping involves strength of will.

RUBE: Unless you're on a plank.

BETTY: Then it isn't your choice. But if it is, it's the best feeling in the world.

RUBE: And you don't care where you land?

BETTY: Landing is a lot like fallin' - you just land.

(VO) If you've been putting off a jump, just putting it off, sometimes the subtle things are what make you take the plunge.

This is from a show that used to be on Showtime, "Dead Like Me." I really loved this episode. I saw it weeks ago, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I think it's a good, clear rumination (big word, go me!) on the whole action/consequence thing. You never can tell what consequences a certain action will have - aside from the big things, like you know, shooting someone or something like that - but you still have to be willing to put yourself out there.

The more I think about things lately, the more I think that you can never know 100% if ANYTHING you're doing is right. It all comes down to being brave enough to make a choice and take some action. Sure there's a possibility, maybe even a large possibility, that you'll get hurt. It's just what happens, you know? That's life. Sitting still, doing nothing may be safe, but you'll never get anywhere like that. And I think most people would feel better at least knowing they tried to do something different.

Here I Come

I'm having issues, but as soon as I get them sorted out, I'll be back in the blogosphere. Enjoy the bunny until I get everything sorted out.